Yes, I do have an opinion.  

My names …… and I’m an alcoholic.  

Grief, deep seated guilt and long-standing resentments are the reason for many a sleepless night for an alcoholic. They kind of rubber stamp our past actions. They generate hours of self-loathing. And they colour an already painful life with more doubt, self-examination and self-hatred. Regret and lost expectations are not good to carry around all the time. But unfortunately, they are essential to reaching a point of complete defeat. Off letting go. Off handing our lives over to AA. Deep emotional pain. Deep hitting reality. And a deep-down loathing are all the parts of our personality we take with us on our way to the bottom. We don’t however have to become AA hermits or forget our ambitions. Inside each alcoholic is a person. A person who aspires, dreams and a looks for hope. A person with wishes, who has expectations and a path to self-awareness. A person who needs to fulfil some past dreams. In sobriety we don’t grow new legs, heads or brains. But what we can do is use them to create a new life, experience new hobbies and build a new future. And we must keep hold of our personalities, our hopes and our thoughts. We must just remove those negative parts and replace them with the positive. I learnt very early on that I was allowed to have an opinion. And I could say what was on my mind. I was told to stand up for myself. And not to be afraid to act on what I believed to be right. But to try and do it with humility, with fairness and with compassion for others and their feelings. It was a good lesson. And above all else we must exercise our newfound freedom and our newfound choices. 

Because if I don’t voice my opinion, sometimes I’ll just store it away under the box marked, acceptance is the key. And turn it into a resentment.  

I came into recovery to reduce my resentments not to increase them.  

There’s always a balance on when to speak up and when to walk away. I don’t always get it right. But as long as I do the one thing we repeat at every meeting, I’ll probably get things right more than I’ll get them wrong. 

And that’s to say these few words. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change 

Courage to change the things I can 

And the wisdom to know the difference. 

And if I read and reread that last line enough, it may well just save my life.  

Anon