You are strong. You are wonderful. 

My name is ……….and I’m an alcoholic 

My friend sent these words to me today. Simple words with a simple meaning.  

‘I am strong, and I am wonderful.’  

Early in my drinking days, I was strong, fit, and energetic.  

I could literally go all day working, all night drinking, a few hours’ sleep and do it all again.  

I just could not get enough. Friends would comment… you just never seem to stop.  

And I loved it. Unfortunately, had always carried an element of self-doubt.  

And I did question myself continually. I slowly started to lose respect for myself.  

 It was the start of a long road to self-hatred. A long road that t0ook decades of life away. 

The more I drank, the more consequences I had, the more I went down the road of not liking myself. It was all just one vicious circle, going very much downhill.  

And to shore up my low self-worth, well I just drank more.  

And then I just did more stupid things, and so people disliked me more. So, guess what.  

I drank more. And the very worst thing people use to say to me was this, `what a nice person you are.’ Id smile sweetly. But underneath I knew they were only saying it.  

They didn’t mean it really. Not really. Because deep down I felt like a fraud.  

And if I felty like a fraud, then I thought everyone else did to. And guess what happened then.  

I drank more ……. What a total mess I was in.  

I wasn’t surprised by what I heard in AA; I was told that the problem with the alcoholic centres just as much in the mind as in the body. Yes, it did. I understood that. 

My journey in recovery is about giving up drinking. 

But to give up drinking, I’ve to start looking at myself, and I’ve to start to like myself. This has got to be the biggest journey an alcoholic travels. People only see the smile on an alcoholic’s face.  

But no one sees you dying inside. Everyone thought I was ok. But I wasn’t.  

In recovery I was told these words.  

‘Always dress better than the person you’re trying to help. It probably won’t do them any good, but it will help to make you feel a lot better about yourself’ 

Now that was it. I just wanted to feel better about myself. That is what I’ve always wanted.  

That is all I have ever wanted. Just to start to like myself.  

Well, what a long road this has been. It has been tough road. But a necessary road. 

But it was the key to staying sober. It what I call my nice ‘vicious circle’. 

If I Liked myself, then there was a good chance I would carry on working the program.  

And if I worked my program, I would like myself more.  

So, every night before a meeting, I will wash, change, sort myself out. 

And do you know what …as I go to my meeting, I just feel a little bit better about myself.  

And the program has worked. It only takes ten minutes.  

So, when my friend says your strong and wonderful, I accept it today as a compliment.  

I may not be physically strong, but my faith in myself is strong.  

And whilst not everyone thinks I am wonderful.  

But do you know what is wonderful? 

To have just one person in this world who thinks I am, and that’s all I really need today. 

Anon